Fem Rexx: Broken

"I can't talk"
"I can't Cry"
"I cant do anything right"
"I cant run"

My birth was a horrible accident and now I must pay the price.
Mama stares at me and only sees a weakling, a brat, a stupid little bitch.
Papa stares at me and only sees a toy, a younger, innocent, weakling version of Mama....
that he cant take his hands off of.

I get beatings from mama daily, she says its the proper way to make me stronger. The saying "what does not kill you will make you stronger" is taken literal in my family. OR i just guess torwards me.... I make any contact with anyone especially humans i get pulled by my hair and dragged into any cliff, river, ditch to hang from it. IF i cried, talked back, or even show any positive sign of emotion, i get my skull bashed against a rock, or worse. If i tried to run from them i get snatched right back up and tied to a tree with barbwire, the first time i did it was my last.

I dont understand why, i dont understand what i do wrong, i dont know how much my body can take.

Mama takes me out to attack other monsters in the forests, and doesnt let me come back home unless they are dead. She takes me with her for most of the day only for brutal trainings. OR lessons per say. Father teaches me how to hunt.....so she believes.

Whenever she leaves me and papa alone...We never hunt. Not once.... the first time was the worst. And never ended.
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"You. Your turn now, i did my time today. Take her out and show her how to hunt."
Mama said and pushed me towards papa. He was leaning against a tree and stared at her and stared down at me. I always felt more fear with papa. He was a large man and terrifying even when he wasnt in his true troll form. I felt uneasy on the way he stares at me, not even with hate or grouchyness in his eyes...something that made my spine shiver.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist and nodded at mama with a grunt. We walked out into the deepest darkest parts of the forest. I just followed along quietly keeping close to his leg. I was scared of these parts, theyre were more than just dangerous wild animals in these parts, it was practically an off limits zone were the most dangerous monsters lurked. Papa says its the perfect place to practice how to hunt with how sneaky everything around the parts were and strong to learn to defend myself. I couldnt see anything but i heard the many creatures whispers out there, hearing them and feeling eyes on us as we walked. Then we came to a stop.

"Here should be fine."
"....I thought we had to be hidden..?" I asked.
"Not Today." he said as he let go of my wrist and turned to me staring down with a smirk on his face. I stared back up at him with a worried look on my face feeling nervous what was going to happen. Seeing him or mama smile wasnt ever good for me. "You want to hunt you need to learn to defend yourself first." he said walking closer to me cracking his knuckles "It's either hunt..." he started as i backed away from him while he reached out to me grabbing my shirt roughly. "Or be hunted." he finished licking his lips.

My eyes widened to his words and i quickly raised my hands placing them on his trying to push him off stuttering "I-I dont wanna be hunted!" He laughed at me and said "You better find a way to get me off you then~" As soon as he said that he pinned me agaisnt a tree yanking off my shirt exposing my body in his presence and the wilderness. My face grew red as i tried to cover it up. I started to scream out in fear but he grabbed my throat with one of his hands cuttign me off trying to choke me. My neck so scrawny he could of broken it like a twig with his hand with no problem. I gagged up little cries no one could hear. "W-What are you-" i choked out as he started to slide his hand across my test snickering at me. I kept trying to wiggle from his grip and pull him off me but it was useless. I kept trying to cry for help but only small chokes gagged from my throat. My eyes began to blind me with tears leaking out down my cheeks, I couldnt see anything... but my senses and ears were the things i wanted to be blinded. I could feel the eyes of the creatures out there watching us, I felt his large hands touching alll over me, and the sounds of everyone laughign in my ears....at this...at me. He touched my naughty parts and just laughed at me when i tried to push away and begged for hi to stop.  Of all the pains i taken from MAma and Papa...this was the most i ever felt and wished i never felt before...it was unspeakable.

"Please...." i squeaked out clinging to his arm around my neck bawlign my eyes out.
"Make me.You know..look just liek your mother. Beggind liek that just makes me want to do more~" he sneered at me continuing.
His slammed be on the ground and covered my mouth  getting more rough with me. I gripped the grass and tried ickng him away. before i knew it i slipped from his hands and started to crawl away screaming at the top of my lungs. But then i blacked out. Out of conscience for who knows how long...I woke up with other monsters watching over me laying on the ground lewd in the open. Theyre eyes just like my fathers. I was broken i couldnt move, i couldnt speak, my mind went back out of conscience again. And i woke up covered in blood standing in a field of dead corpses. I stared at the blood in my hands as tears keep flowing down my face then back at th ebodies around me. "Help me..." i whispered out as a large headache grew in. I couldnt walk straight, my father nowhere in sight. I grabbed my shirt and pulled it on. I was alone in the dark part of the forest. That day i found a nearby cave and stayed theyre for the night...i couldnt function, my body was in so much pain. And my fear for my father...i could never be left alone with him again...and the thought of my mother finding out...scared me more.

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Trolls know how to cover thier tracks, they are the best in hiding and camoflouging. No proof of what had happened could never be proven. The marks on my body could have been from the other creatures who came after me, my fathers scent intervening with my body was gone. My mother had no care for my absence when i got back home the way i was. She and my father both went on like nothign happened. But then...the same thing hapened again and again, when me and papa were left alone. Each time worse than the other. HE took me out, took advantage of me, and left my body unconscious in the hands of the other creatures to take the blame. FRom then on i had black outs waking up with someone or something else dead by my hands. I didnt remember what happened only what papa did before it.

I became distant and silenced in fear. Everyone who touched me i instantly pushed away because one touch..i felt all the nerves in my body break loose. I felt his hands on me...I heard the laughter echo in my head, i felt the pain in my throat from screaming and my eyes begin to water. I couldnt bare it, i was broken inside out through my body and mind.

Day by day i ask myself
"Why couldnt i just be left for dead...?"